Marriage?,,,single?...or regret?...

Marriage?..yup, i am old enough and "rich" enough to talk about marriage and wedding..

but do i really want that?...do i really want to be NOT ALONE to get married and live my whole life having a miserable marriage with 2 or 3 kids with a lousy husband??...i love children..sometimes it doesnt show cause how i am grumpy with my lil archie and always smacking his head when he do something annoying. But i really want to be a mother of my own child..BUT, do i want to get married with a lousy husband?..THAT IS THE BIG PROBLEM..

i have been in love LOADS of time..but ALL the people i had been in love with frankly speakings, are not the marriage type..Let me, make it clear..1) They are good boyfriends..2) They do love me..3) They 'sometimes' has money..BUT...do i really want to get married with a guy that HAVE a LOT of problem and their family are kinda shifty?..NOPE!..dont DO IT!..cos seriously it will bite you back in the ass..you had to get married with a good guy with a good family background, that can support you no matter what circumstances and have a good financial background..That is important people!..not the looks, not the clothes and definitely not their watch..Its all about him and his family..

But i will never get just married with the reason "Just because..."..now i do understand why successful woman that have a career and is single and DONT get married!..cos they are rich enough to buy their OWN house!, buy their OWN car and buy their OWN food..


so basically for me, yes i do feel lonely, yes i do feel sometimes like a loser..but do i really want to be married and have a lot of problem later in life?..do i really am that strong to handle that?..
i guess i am not..

I want to get married..hell..who in the hell doesnt want their happily ever after ending..

but i want to get married with the right guy at the right time of our life..maybe my 'jodoh' is not here yet, or maybe he will never show up..whatever happens i am grateful and happy with my life..

I just saw Sun..

Hahahaha..its a weird noon actually..yesterday the post is all about giving up a person and never finding them back..but hell i just saw HIM..

I thought you quit already..hell i thought you quit ages ago..so when i went there, my heart like flip flopping for a minute whether i will see you or see just a glimpse of your shadow..

BUT HELL SUN.. you almost ran me over !!.hahaha..

I miss you...but i dont know whether you miss me back just the same..i think you realize its me when our eyes met..but i dont know..
i think i saw you looking for me at the exit near the cafe..but i dont know..

coz we never did or i never did have the courage to just go and talk to you and say "Hi"..this remind me on the starting of how we became friends actually..hahaha..me being shy and you had to go and say "Hey" to me first...

so we never will know the fact whether we can be the bestest friend again..As i always say to people "He was the best friend and a great friend for me to have, regardless of what he is and what the circumstances, he never did do things that hurt me except for letting me go.."..

i wish you just scream my name and we can wave "hi"..but i didn't did that too..so whatever i guess..

the "jungle" will never go away ..so maybe next time, i will have the courage to say "Hi, whats up?, hows life.."..or we can continue pretending that we never did know each other ever..

..its been a weird encounter..you look much less NOT the same at all..but i guess thats what you "do" to go back being normal huh?..

Whatever it is, i am happy to see you again even just a glimpse and later~~