i Miss having you in my life

I just sometimes miss having you in my life..
I just sometimes miss talking with you..
I just sometimes miss listening music with you..
I just sometimes miss watching crappy movies with you..
I just sometimes miss watching you east soup like an addict sniffing coke..
I just sometimes miss feeling insecure with you..
I just sometimes miss the way you soothe me with your words..
I just sometimes miss holding your hand in my hand..
I just sometimes miss watching you..
I just sometimes miss crying infront of you..
I miss being strong with you..
I miss how you teach me to be strong.

I miss how you can listen to me talk and talk and talk about him..
I miss saying how much i love him but matter in fact i love you as much..

I miss when now, when the moment that i need you, i cant seem to find you anywhere..
I miss when you hated everybody that takes advantage of me..
I miss the moment that can be my happy ending coz i know you cant be happy with me..
I miss how i can miss you so much before this..
I miss how i can cry for you but now i cant anymore..
I miss the heartbreaking moment when you text me "Its Over"..
I miss when now I am In love again but you are not here to share it with..
I miss that you will hate me for this but i really do love him..
I miss listening to your logic about him..
I miss you hating him coz he makes me cry when he should be making me smile..
I miss you now coz you are the one that i turn to talk whenever i have problem with him..
I miss all your promises..you said that we can still be friends after all this but the moment i moved on from you, you just dissapear into thin air..

I wish that you can come back to my life..
I wish that we are never in love..
I wish that we stick to being friend more than lover..
I wish that he can be loyal to me coz i dont want to cry for him when you are not near me..
I wish that he can love me as much that you love me back then..
I wish that i can trust him as much that i trust you with my heart..
I wish back then when i met you, i am strong to said NO to LOVE but YES to Friendship Forever..
I will never wish you are not you..coz you being you that help me finding my path in my life..
I wish that I can call you..
I wish that I can text you..
I wish that I can find you..
I wish that we never are apart forever and ever..
I wish that you will come to my wedding, when i marry my husband..if it is him, i wish you still come too..

I miss having you in my life to listen i ramble and talk about him, life, parents, siblings, music and us..

I will never (i hope) write about you anymore..I am happy just the way i am now

even if hell break loose in my relationship with him, i hope i can be strong like when i am with you..
to just let him go in the wind and never disturb him like i did with you..coz i kept my promises to her..the moment you decide what you want is her, i know that i am no longer relevant in your life..and i will keep it until the end of time i hope..

just make sure when i get married you come to my wedding..the only promise that i hope you can keep..you maybe never read my entries all this time..i think you just deleted me coz its getting to painful for you but i am in pain too..the moment i let go of you is the moment i grow up..i cant seem to let go of the memory yet..i still look at rayban and remember you..hear needles and pins and i will cry..watch every red helmet and remember you..look at the sun and hearing your promises, " Matahari kat situ jer sayang, xakan berganjak dari tempatnya"..but the fact is, you move on and so were I..

you are the sun, alif was the moon..Sun and moon are gone in my life so what is left for me now?..

Just tears and memories...

I wish...

I wish a lot of thing..i wish that i can go back to be an innocent girl..to be that person that never ever just follow her heart and JUST DO IT...hahahaa...but when i JUST DO IT, i learn a lot..

I learn that people mature through time and experience.. i never did notice of him being a coward..usually i will always be the one that delete and block people..but i think, he is changing..i scroll down more towards other people album and i saw his face among the crowds and i know that missing him does not mean that i have to contact or talk to him again..just wishing from afar that he is happy and i am happy for choosing never to contact him again...i am not weak..never was and never will ever..we choose this choices that we made because we thought that it can lead to a happy ending..sometimes i do wish i have the guts just to call him up and talk to him, but i wont..never will ever do it..i lost his number a matter of fact actually..*im lying btw*..but eventhough he picks up the phone and talk to me, i will be rendered speechless and weird out coz i dont want to go back into the past, i dont want him controlling my life anymore, i dont want to hide my feelings for a person just because he is *like that*..i dont want to ever go through anymore the feelings of *please choose me, please choose me, please choose me!*..never will be in that way anymore and that way of a relationship..coz you know what?..i am never anybody second choice..

Am i happy now?...

I think that is a question that had to be answer in the next post...

Later...