Happy Mood..;)

I am Happy....;)....

Set You on FIRE...

I dont like you..if you are on fire and i was there..i will just stand by and look..and i am not sorry if you burn..

thats how i am bitter with you..

please get out of my life..i am much better without you..if HE state that i will live alone without a husband or my destiny is like this..let it be... i dont want to be afraid of loneliness...lonely is just a feeling..heart pain eats you and consume your life with bitterness and depression...

i can be lonely and have my life free of you..

so please go away..i dont care anymore..you are not meant for me..if i were to marry you, it will make my life more miserable..know why?..coz you are not worth it anymore..i dont want you, i dont need you and i am sure as hell am better  than you..so please go away...go away...

Hate Letter

You sucks..serious..i hate how you can be a poison in my life..i hate how you seems to leech and drank up all my blood until i just be so tired and bored with your drama.

Yes, i am talking about you..here was a boy name Atan, who got a girl that loves him and all his flaws, but in the end he cheats on her so that girl dump him..hahaha...


i dont want to talk much about him coz he doesnt deserve me talking about him..he is and still a very very stupid boy..i dont know what he wants and HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE WANTS HIMSELF...eff man, serious eff..he psycho me on loving him and when i do love him, he goes and fuck me over with his ex?..what type of a guy are you huh, asshole??!!...you've got me but you want her?...

ooohhh THAT BITCH is another story..i hate her..i never in my life hate a girl so much like i hate her..shit, i shouldnt be hating anybody coz it will just make me more madder..but damn that girl is such a BITCH!..
i am bitter...

i hate him for doing this to me..but in the end i need to forgive him n move one..coz i dont want to be bitter forever..i dont need this poison in my life anymore..

i dont want to keep talking about him in my blog or in my facebook or anywhere..i dont want him to be special..coz he thinks that he is..but he is not!..i still love him somewhere in my heart, but i cant change him and his way of cheating..
so it is up to me to move on in my life..to just let him go and be happy myself..

he is the one that never did feel satisfied just being with me..that always try to change me to meet his taste and lifestyles, that never appreciated me, that never need me, that always comparing me with THAT bitch eventhough i am like 100 and 10 percent more worthy than her,but he is not like that..he is just someone that likes nothing more to go and eff with other girls than being in love me..

so for me its already over between you and me, and i hope it stays that way...insyaallah..Amin..

i Miss having you in my life

I just sometimes miss having you in my life..
I just sometimes miss talking with you..
I just sometimes miss listening music with you..
I just sometimes miss watching crappy movies with you..
I just sometimes miss watching you east soup like an addict sniffing coke..
I just sometimes miss feeling insecure with you..
I just sometimes miss the way you soothe me with your words..
I just sometimes miss holding your hand in my hand..
I just sometimes miss watching you..
I just sometimes miss crying infront of you..
I miss being strong with you..
I miss how you teach me to be strong.

I miss how you can listen to me talk and talk and talk about him..
I miss saying how much i love him but matter in fact i love you as much..

I miss when now, when the moment that i need you, i cant seem to find you anywhere..
I miss when you hated everybody that takes advantage of me..
I miss the moment that can be my happy ending coz i know you cant be happy with me..
I miss how i can miss you so much before this..
I miss how i can cry for you but now i cant anymore..
I miss the heartbreaking moment when you text me "Its Over"..
I miss when now I am In love again but you are not here to share it with..
I miss that you will hate me for this but i really do love him..
I miss listening to your logic about him..
I miss you hating him coz he makes me cry when he should be making me smile..
I miss you now coz you are the one that i turn to talk whenever i have problem with him..
I miss all your promises..you said that we can still be friends after all this but the moment i moved on from you, you just dissapear into thin air..

I wish that you can come back to my life..
I wish that we are never in love..
I wish that we stick to being friend more than lover..
I wish that he can be loyal to me coz i dont want to cry for him when you are not near me..
I wish that he can love me as much that you love me back then..
I wish that i can trust him as much that i trust you with my heart..
I wish back then when i met you, i am strong to said NO to LOVE but YES to Friendship Forever..
I will never wish you are not you..coz you being you that help me finding my path in my life..
I wish that I can call you..
I wish that I can text you..
I wish that I can find you..
I wish that we never are apart forever and ever..
I wish that you will come to my wedding, when i marry my husband..if it is him, i wish you still come too..

I miss having you in my life to listen i ramble and talk about him, life, parents, siblings, music and us..

I will never (i hope) write about you anymore..I am happy just the way i am now

even if hell break loose in my relationship with him, i hope i can be strong like when i am with you..
to just let him go in the wind and never disturb him like i did with you..coz i kept my promises to her..the moment you decide what you want is her, i know that i am no longer relevant in your life..and i will keep it until the end of time i hope..

just make sure when i get married you come to my wedding..the only promise that i hope you can keep..you maybe never read my entries all this time..i think you just deleted me coz its getting to painful for you but i am in pain too..the moment i let go of you is the moment i grow up..i cant seem to let go of the memory yet..i still look at rayban and remember you..hear needles and pins and i will cry..watch every red helmet and remember you..look at the sun and hearing your promises, " Matahari kat situ jer sayang, xakan berganjak dari tempatnya"..but the fact is, you move on and so were I..

you are the sun, alif was the moon..Sun and moon are gone in my life so what is left for me now?..

Just tears and memories...

I wish...

I wish a lot of thing..i wish that i can go back to be an innocent girl..to be that person that never ever just follow her heart and JUST DO IT...hahahaa...but when i JUST DO IT, i learn a lot..

I learn that people mature through time and experience.. i never did notice of him being a coward..usually i will always be the one that delete and block people..but i think, he is changing..i scroll down more towards other people album and i saw his face among the crowds and i know that missing him does not mean that i have to contact or talk to him again..just wishing from afar that he is happy and i am happy for choosing never to contact him again...i am not weak..never was and never will ever..we choose this choices that we made because we thought that it can lead to a happy ending..sometimes i do wish i have the guts just to call him up and talk to him, but i wont..never will ever do it..i lost his number a matter of fact actually..*im lying btw*..but eventhough he picks up the phone and talk to me, i will be rendered speechless and weird out coz i dont want to go back into the past, i dont want him controlling my life anymore, i dont want to hide my feelings for a person just because he is *like that*..i dont want to ever go through anymore the feelings of *please choose me, please choose me, please choose me!*..never will be in that way anymore and that way of a relationship..coz you know what?..i am never anybody second choice..

Am i happy now?...

I think that is a question that had to be answer in the next post...

Later...

Marriage?,,,single?...or regret?...

Marriage?..yup, i am old enough and "rich" enough to talk about marriage and wedding..

but do i really want that?...do i really want to be NOT ALONE to get married and live my whole life having a miserable marriage with 2 or 3 kids with a lousy husband??...i love children..sometimes it doesnt show cause how i am grumpy with my lil archie and always smacking his head when he do something annoying. But i really want to be a mother of my own child..BUT, do i want to get married with a lousy husband?..THAT IS THE BIG PROBLEM..

i have been in love LOADS of time..but ALL the people i had been in love with frankly speakings, are not the marriage type..Let me, make it clear..1) They are good boyfriends..2) They do love me..3) They 'sometimes' has money..BUT...do i really want to get married with a guy that HAVE a LOT of problem and their family are kinda shifty?..NOPE!..dont DO IT!..cos seriously it will bite you back in the ass..you had to get married with a good guy with a good family background, that can support you no matter what circumstances and have a good financial background..That is important people!..not the looks, not the clothes and definitely not their watch..Its all about him and his family..

But i will never get just married with the reason "Just because..."..now i do understand why successful woman that have a career and is single and DONT get married!..cos they are rich enough to buy their OWN house!, buy their OWN car and buy their OWN food..


so basically for me, yes i do feel lonely, yes i do feel sometimes like a loser..but do i really want to be married and have a lot of problem later in life?..do i really am that strong to handle that?..
i guess i am not..

I want to get married..hell..who in the hell doesnt want their happily ever after ending..

but i want to get married with the right guy at the right time of our life..maybe my 'jodoh' is not here yet, or maybe he will never show up..whatever happens i am grateful and happy with my life..

I just saw Sun..

Hahahaha..its a weird noon actually..yesterday the post is all about giving up a person and never finding them back..but hell i just saw HIM..

I thought you quit already..hell i thought you quit ages ago..so when i went there, my heart like flip flopping for a minute whether i will see you or see just a glimpse of your shadow..

BUT HELL SUN.. you almost ran me over !!.hahaha..

I miss you...but i dont know whether you miss me back just the same..i think you realize its me when our eyes met..but i dont know..
i think i saw you looking for me at the exit near the cafe..but i dont know..

coz we never did or i never did have the courage to just go and talk to you and say "Hi"..this remind me on the starting of how we became friends actually..hahaha..me being shy and you had to go and say "Hey" to me first...

so we never will know the fact whether we can be the bestest friend again..As i always say to people "He was the best friend and a great friend for me to have, regardless of what he is and what the circumstances, he never did do things that hurt me except for letting me go.."..

i wish you just scream my name and we can wave "hi"..but i didn't did that too..so whatever i guess..

the "jungle" will never go away ..so maybe next time, i will have the courage to say "Hi, whats up?, hows life.."..or we can continue pretending that we never did know each other ever..

..its been a weird encounter..you look much less NOT the same at all..but i guess thats what you "do" to go back being normal huh?..

Whatever it is, i am happy to see you again even just a glimpse and later~~