~i miss loving him~

i miss loving him~
i miss all the talks~
i miss all the laughs~
i miss all the lepaking~
i miss all the idiots thing he does~
i miss how he can be weird sometimes~
i miss that way of him when he dosnt talk~
i miss him being "mysterious"
i never did understand the WHOLE him but i still miss ALL of him~
i miss how he can make me happy~
i miss the way i smile when im with him~
i miss his smile~
i miss the way i can get flustered just by sitting beside him~
i even miss him smoking that stupid cancer stick~
i miss when the time is not NOW..
i miss the memory~
i miss HIM~
i miss LOVING him~
i know its onesided but i still miss it~
i know he doesnt look at me THAT way but i still miss it~
i know he is happy right now~
but i wish i am happy beside him~
i know im supposed to be move on a long time ago, trust me I AM MOVE ON~~ i have a lot of relationship but i still miss the thing i have for him~
maybe its a mistake, maybe its a lesson for me but for now i just want to say I miss him~

i still do cause for me he is my true First Love ..even he doesn't reciprocated the feelings..i still do feel jealous for his girlfriend(yes i say it~!..like Pink say "so what")

i wish we can meet and talk like before..
i wish i never did like him THAT way..but i do and i never regretted it..
i wish we are stuck at seventeen(him 17 and i 16)
i wish that we are close like old days..

i know this is just a rambling from my part..i know he dosnt miss me like i do for him..i know its sad and pathetic but i still feel this feeling so i cant do anything about it..so i miss you so much that everytime i do remeber you i cant get you out of my mind that fast and the only way is to do this stuff to make me feel better..

i know you will never read my profile so whatever~~ miss you so much,52625

a post~~

im working rite now!..weehooo..big suprise?..yes i know big suprise to me too~!..
its like the moment when you finish the last exam in ur final life,i get depressed coz my friend had already gone to at least one interview or have working experience and i dont have any of that..
so to make long story short, i just grab the first opportunity that makes sense to me.
im not regretting or anything, just suprised that i am working..

me the youngest of all my friend and exclassmates, is right now working at Kepong..hahahaha...
the story of the century right?..

and to add like weird twist to the story, im not that happy..not happy meaning i hating my job..just i want to grab other better opportunity out there..so thats is like predicament right now..

ok..im ending my post with a kinda sad remark above..
later~

confession...

its been ages..
n to make me write this one is because yesterday i blow up my usually cheery face at my one of closest fren..how i CANT blow up..when shes going to tell a guy and a guy that lives with the person involved..that i like him!..ok fine maybe i like him..maybe i feel awfully piss off when i know hes involved and more piss off when the person hes involved once told me off about him..and to add salt into that ..i kinda like him as a fren first so when people start making me stop the flirting ..i truly gladly back off from that ..
so when something involving him and involving his name, of course im going to be piss off..she is happy with him..and i dont want to know anything about them being happy coz i know they are happy..so i dont want any stupid thingy in the past to make me feel sucks..
so im insecure ..i hate people knowing that but hell who isnt..! i have very bad rep of falling in love / like with person that i am close with..i have a very bad rep also of being the sweet, cute , lovey person but not the person to get in to a relationship with..

so im AM INSECURE! i hate guys more after the last incident involving certain someone back in highschool , never did fully hate him enough cause typical me to like people first as a fren than a potential crush..
so when the incident of blowing up happen..i do realize its kinda stupid, but seriously !..i am a private person .. i dont advertise my whole entire secret to anybody, and i am truly protective to all the persons that i like..even that person dont know, i do back them up when people is talking shit about them..

so when this incident happen in front of a guy fren of this person..what is my first reaction..?..
of coz to shut the mouth before letting out the NAME..
i hate the situation...i hate him and i hate for confessing it to like it to my frenz..coz im not into him that much ok..! im in to somebody else..its just he a nice guy,and i tend to like people that are nice and easy to handle me..not some jerk guy like my bestfriend who by the way the story need a new entire post ....so we are cool frenz rite now..not that COOL like before the couple with her..but cool enough..so i just want to maintain that.. i dont want any gossiping around my back, i dont any people to start stories that are stupid and presuming..cause im hell will be very piss off..im into gossiping, but im not into making stories about relationship ..except involving my best friends..like i said thats entirely new post to tell THAT story..

so i dont want to stop talking with him ..and ok im not talking, but tomato,tamato...patato,potato..get what i mean?..

pic..

dinner of textile for the last graduate batch..(that is me and my friends..) the theme is "GLAMOROUS BLACK AND GOLD"..and truly the rebelliuos me..i didnt follow the code of black and gold fashion just wear whatever that i want..hahaha...so what..its my dinner and is just only that i care whatever that i am wearing...so here is some of the pic..and we did perform , the whole class in fact perform..but due to some of the 'explicit' (hahahaha) content i cant post the vid ..
we imitate the ONE IN A MILLION show..me being the second winner and Aishah Attaullah being the winner of OIAM and yes i did sing (only mimed it ..hehehe) and the explicit content that i mention is when duet with Aishah and Nik singing lagu Drama by Ning Baizura..is like oh my god~~ is so embarrassing hence the explicit content ..hahaha..but here is some of the pic for the night..

Dia...

yesterday nmpak 'dia'...
wow..its been so long..~~leh lak think back again on the long time that i have a crush on 'dia'...or what i say to people "love"...that is all is serious bullshit..there is no love when you are 16 years old..its not love when you are the one that love "dia"only...it should be a 2 way street..but my mind is being childish and immature back in the days..the days when 'dia' the only person that i think treat me as a girl..
hurm...so yesterday when i nmpak n nmpak in this way is nmpak n not tegur..
so ...when 'nmpak' 'dia'..
i feel that all the love that i feel back then is just my childish feeling..hell...i will always think 'dia' is my true love..but im not THAT childish to think that right now hes the one for me...yah pretty much to say of my first ever guy to fall for..so wish you happy and no hard feelings anyway that you are happy with the one that you fall in love when you are 17...( look back at my third line sentence)..hahahahah...no2 maybe its true love for him..n mybe im being bitter..but neva mind all that..just wnated to lepaskan my feeling jer on this post..so..end~~

uni life~~

tomorrow will be the 7th of Mac..have a test on environment (study!!!) and exactly 7 days from there will be the Dinner!...the end of the year dinner..the end of my era as a university student and as s textile student in Uitm..its just mean that, my thesis presentation are quite near and i just going to be more freak out when the day(presentation) come ..but that another story..but wow..3 years~! its kinda true when people say, "Sekejap jer 3 tahun tue, pejam celik pejam celik dh grad!"..
YUP!! its true!..
i feel its just like yesterday i have a graduation ceremony for my high school..its like baru tdi jer dpt the feel of staying in a hostel in matrix and sleeping in a area that my parents are not there with me..its just minutes ago i feel and experienced the drama and tribulation of having friends and growing up in uni life..
so here it comes..the end of the sem..the point where the next step is for me to get a job and a life that is my own..but okay, that we'll freak out later..(as i will going to be more freak out later when i will grad nnt,insyaallah!)
....
so the drama,...wow!! my life is full of that in uni life..every sem has new set of worries and set of drama that came with it..first year, means the first 2 sem i baru jer nk sesuaikan diri..you know, being the person thats trying to fit in, having friends that i hope will last forever but actually are not that realistic when i think back..but i am happy s ..i really WERE or is it WAS?..happy..in fact the moment drama start to kick in thats when i realise that the actual cause of the drama is a lot of things..
me being the person i am..
its me wanted to venture out..
its me that cant stay in one place and be satisfied..
its me that always have the same record of jumping groups that matches with my interest and desire on that moment..
and its me that feel comfortable in that moment...
and if its me that have a problem..hurm..maybe its true..but i will never say that i cause the problem..
its just a spur of a moment when the moment happen with alot of different things connected..you just think "i need to get new life".."need to escape from any heartache that may come"..
so im sorry if "them" ever read this post first before i actually apologise to "them" personally..
some of "them" are hurt when the drama broke down at first time..but eventually you've got your own set of group..and i see "them" feel happy so be it..maybe its the best kut?..cause somebody say that " aku rasa ko lagi ok kut ngn people yg skang"..and actually THAT triggers me to think..and i mean, to think hard and clear on what happen in the second year..on what happen when i being piss off when you didnt back up me when i need you..when you choose other people beside me..
i never hate "them"..some people say that i blame "them"?.."them being the couple and me being the one odd out, im being terasa becoz of it?"..come on!..why must i terasa or blame anybody?..and you shouldnt be blaming me either..its just, them are them and i am me...whatever it comes down to hate or love or friendship..its been great knowing "them"..and its been a great journey of friendship..
....................