25

I think it is just a number..you know, but with the number comes my unhappiness..

Dont Know WHAAT!

im being more grumpy nowadays..more annoyed..more sensitive..about what?..about a lot of stupid small things actually..

Sometimes, i think this is my real attitude..i am not always happy..i am not always cheerful and smiley..i AM grumpy and emo and bitchy..but when you reach a certain age, it is called immaturity...but it is just what you are feeling!

sometimes i hate people around me.. sometimes i hate that falling effing in love with the wrong guy, change me from being naive to this person that hate people and easily annoyed...

i dont know who i am angry or annoyed with..my family? my friends? or just plain me?..i just want to say things and just let people read it and understand me..but FB is offlimit..i dont like to publicize my life now..i choose to remain like this. FB is just for once a day occurence of checking the news feed and thats it..i dont want my life to focus on internet socializing..i need to get out more..i need to exercise and be confident again..actually i dont know what i want right now..and yes i am old and mature enough to say it out loud..coz i am still learning alot of things about what i really want in my life and what i want in my friends..

am i strong enough to live alone?..hurm, i think so?..but being alone is a lonely thing..

you will get mad and feeling like the walls is/are closing in at you..but i guess somewhere along the road, you have to be alone..not everything and every journey youve got someone you know will be beside you, right?..

I confess that in 2012 so far, I have...

I confess that in 2012 so far, I have...

( ) stayed single for the whole year
( ) made out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
(x) ate a whole birthday cake
( ) and then ate another birthday cake
( ) puke that birthday cake
( ) broke someone else’s heart
( ) had a stalker
(x) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
(x) someone questioned your sexual orientation
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) had an abortion
(x) have a relationship with someone you’ll never forget.
(x) done something you’ve regretted
(x) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe
( ) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
( ) addicted to weed
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
( ) flicked a booger under the table
(x) listened to music you couldn’t stand.
( ) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
( ) visited a foreign country
( ) pooped in the snow
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren’t
( ) partied to celebrate the new year
( ) cooked a disastrous meal
( ) lost something important to you
(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
(x) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
( ) slept under the stars
( ) kept your new years resolution
(x) forgot your new years resolution
( ) killed a bird
( ) kicked a stone
(x) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
(x) pretended to be sick
( ) left the country
( ) almost died
(x) given up something important to you
( ) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) met great people
(x) stayed up til sunrise
(x) cried over the silliest thing
(x) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
( ) had someone close to you die
(x) had a high cell phone bill
(x) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
( ) went to the beach with your best friend
(x) saw a celebrity
(x) gotten sick
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
(x) became closer to a lot of people.

Happy Mood..;)

I am Happy....;)....

Set You on FIRE...

I dont like you..if you are on fire and i was there..i will just stand by and look..and i am not sorry if you burn..

thats how i am bitter with you..

please get out of my life..i am much better without you..if HE state that i will live alone without a husband or my destiny is like this..let it be... i dont want to be afraid of loneliness...lonely is just a feeling..heart pain eats you and consume your life with bitterness and depression...

i can be lonely and have my life free of you..

so please go away..i dont care anymore..you are not meant for me..if i were to marry you, it will make my life more miserable..know why?..coz you are not worth it anymore..i dont want you, i dont need you and i am sure as hell am better  than you..so please go away...go away...

Hate Letter

You sucks..serious..i hate how you can be a poison in my life..i hate how you seems to leech and drank up all my blood until i just be so tired and bored with your drama.

Yes, i am talking about you..here was a boy name Atan, who got a girl that loves him and all his flaws, but in the end he cheats on her so that girl dump him..hahaha...


i dont want to talk much about him coz he doesnt deserve me talking about him..he is and still a very very stupid boy..i dont know what he wants and HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE WANTS HIMSELF...eff man, serious eff..he psycho me on loving him and when i do love him, he goes and fuck me over with his ex?..what type of a guy are you huh, asshole??!!...you've got me but you want her?...

ooohhh THAT BITCH is another story..i hate her..i never in my life hate a girl so much like i hate her..shit, i shouldnt be hating anybody coz it will just make me more madder..but damn that girl is such a BITCH!..
i am bitter...

i hate him for doing this to me..but in the end i need to forgive him n move one..coz i dont want to be bitter forever..i dont need this poison in my life anymore..

i dont want to keep talking about him in my blog or in my facebook or anywhere..i dont want him to be special..coz he thinks that he is..but he is not!..i still love him somewhere in my heart, but i cant change him and his way of cheating..
so it is up to me to move on in my life..to just let him go and be happy myself..

he is the one that never did feel satisfied just being with me..that always try to change me to meet his taste and lifestyles, that never appreciated me, that never need me, that always comparing me with THAT bitch eventhough i am like 100 and 10 percent more worthy than her,but he is not like that..he is just someone that likes nothing more to go and eff with other girls than being in love me..

so for me its already over between you and me, and i hope it stays that way...insyaallah..Amin..

i Miss having you in my life

I just sometimes miss having you in my life..
I just sometimes miss talking with you..
I just sometimes miss listening music with you..
I just sometimes miss watching crappy movies with you..
I just sometimes miss watching you east soup like an addict sniffing coke..
I just sometimes miss feeling insecure with you..
I just sometimes miss the way you soothe me with your words..
I just sometimes miss holding your hand in my hand..
I just sometimes miss watching you..
I just sometimes miss crying infront of you..
I miss being strong with you..
I miss how you teach me to be strong.

I miss how you can listen to me talk and talk and talk about him..
I miss saying how much i love him but matter in fact i love you as much..

I miss when now, when the moment that i need you, i cant seem to find you anywhere..
I miss when you hated everybody that takes advantage of me..
I miss the moment that can be my happy ending coz i know you cant be happy with me..
I miss how i can miss you so much before this..
I miss how i can cry for you but now i cant anymore..
I miss the heartbreaking moment when you text me "Its Over"..
I miss when now I am In love again but you are not here to share it with..
I miss that you will hate me for this but i really do love him..
I miss listening to your logic about him..
I miss you hating him coz he makes me cry when he should be making me smile..
I miss you now coz you are the one that i turn to talk whenever i have problem with him..
I miss all your promises..you said that we can still be friends after all this but the moment i moved on from you, you just dissapear into thin air..

I wish that you can come back to my life..
I wish that we are never in love..
I wish that we stick to being friend more than lover..
I wish that he can be loyal to me coz i dont want to cry for him when you are not near me..
I wish that he can love me as much that you love me back then..
I wish that i can trust him as much that i trust you with my heart..
I wish back then when i met you, i am strong to said NO to LOVE but YES to Friendship Forever..
I will never wish you are not you..coz you being you that help me finding my path in my life..
I wish that I can call you..
I wish that I can text you..
I wish that I can find you..
I wish that we never are apart forever and ever..
I wish that you will come to my wedding, when i marry my husband..if it is him, i wish you still come too..

I miss having you in my life to listen i ramble and talk about him, life, parents, siblings, music and us..

I will never (i hope) write about you anymore..I am happy just the way i am now

even if hell break loose in my relationship with him, i hope i can be strong like when i am with you..
to just let him go in the wind and never disturb him like i did with you..coz i kept my promises to her..the moment you decide what you want is her, i know that i am no longer relevant in your life..and i will keep it until the end of time i hope..

just make sure when i get married you come to my wedding..the only promise that i hope you can keep..you maybe never read my entries all this time..i think you just deleted me coz its getting to painful for you but i am in pain too..the moment i let go of you is the moment i grow up..i cant seem to let go of the memory yet..i still look at rayban and remember you..hear needles and pins and i will cry..watch every red helmet and remember you..look at the sun and hearing your promises, " Matahari kat situ jer sayang, xakan berganjak dari tempatnya"..but the fact is, you move on and so were I..

you are the sun, alif was the moon..Sun and moon are gone in my life so what is left for me now?..

Just tears and memories...

I wish...

I wish a lot of thing..i wish that i can go back to be an innocent girl..to be that person that never ever just follow her heart and JUST DO IT...hahahaa...but when i JUST DO IT, i learn a lot..

I learn that people mature through time and experience.. i never did notice of him being a coward..usually i will always be the one that delete and block people..but i think, he is changing..i scroll down more towards other people album and i saw his face among the crowds and i know that missing him does not mean that i have to contact or talk to him again..just wishing from afar that he is happy and i am happy for choosing never to contact him again...i am not weak..never was and never will ever..we choose this choices that we made because we thought that it can lead to a happy ending..sometimes i do wish i have the guts just to call him up and talk to him, but i wont..never will ever do it..i lost his number a matter of fact actually..*im lying btw*..but eventhough he picks up the phone and talk to me, i will be rendered speechless and weird out coz i dont want to go back into the past, i dont want him controlling my life anymore, i dont want to hide my feelings for a person just because he is *like that*..i dont want to ever go through anymore the feelings of *please choose me, please choose me, please choose me!*..never will be in that way anymore and that way of a relationship..coz you know what?..i am never anybody second choice..

Am i happy now?...

I think that is a question that had to be answer in the next post...

Later...

Marriage?,,,single?...or regret?...

Marriage?..yup, i am old enough and "rich" enough to talk about marriage and wedding..

but do i really want that?...do i really want to be NOT ALONE to get married and live my whole life having a miserable marriage with 2 or 3 kids with a lousy husband??...i love children..sometimes it doesnt show cause how i am grumpy with my lil archie and always smacking his head when he do something annoying. But i really want to be a mother of my own child..BUT, do i want to get married with a lousy husband?..THAT IS THE BIG PROBLEM..

i have been in love LOADS of time..but ALL the people i had been in love with frankly speakings, are not the marriage type..Let me, make it clear..1) They are good boyfriends..2) They do love me..3) They 'sometimes' has money..BUT...do i really want to get married with a guy that HAVE a LOT of problem and their family are kinda shifty?..NOPE!..dont DO IT!..cos seriously it will bite you back in the ass..you had to get married with a good guy with a good family background, that can support you no matter what circumstances and have a good financial background..That is important people!..not the looks, not the clothes and definitely not their watch..Its all about him and his family..

But i will never get just married with the reason "Just because..."..now i do understand why successful woman that have a career and is single and DONT get married!..cos they are rich enough to buy their OWN house!, buy their OWN car and buy their OWN food..


so basically for me, yes i do feel lonely, yes i do feel sometimes like a loser..but do i really want to be married and have a lot of problem later in life?..do i really am that strong to handle that?..
i guess i am not..

I want to get married..hell..who in the hell doesnt want their happily ever after ending..

but i want to get married with the right guy at the right time of our life..maybe my 'jodoh' is not here yet, or maybe he will never show up..whatever happens i am grateful and happy with my life..

I just saw Sun..

Hahahaha..its a weird noon actually..yesterday the post is all about giving up a person and never finding them back..but hell i just saw HIM..

I thought you quit already..hell i thought you quit ages ago..so when i went there, my heart like flip flopping for a minute whether i will see you or see just a glimpse of your shadow..

BUT HELL SUN.. you almost ran me over !!.hahaha..

I miss you...but i dont know whether you miss me back just the same..i think you realize its me when our eyes met..but i dont know..
i think i saw you looking for me at the exit near the cafe..but i dont know..

coz we never did or i never did have the courage to just go and talk to you and say "Hi"..this remind me on the starting of how we became friends actually..hahaha..me being shy and you had to go and say "Hey" to me first...

so we never will know the fact whether we can be the bestest friend again..As i always say to people "He was the best friend and a great friend for me to have, regardless of what he is and what the circumstances, he never did do things that hurt me except for letting me go.."..

i wish you just scream my name and we can wave "hi"..but i didn't did that too..so whatever i guess..

the "jungle" will never go away ..so maybe next time, i will have the courage to say "Hi, whats up?, hows life.."..or we can continue pretending that we never did know each other ever..

..its been a weird encounter..you look much less NOT the same at all..but i guess thats what you "do" to go back being normal huh?..

Whatever it is, i am happy to see you again even just a glimpse and later~~

Karma, breaking up and qada' and qadar...

I believe in karma..i also believe in qada' and qadar, of coz...
I have this weird fight when im with him..always this weird fight...

Orang A: Sudahlah u...
Orang B: I dah, u tu yg xpernah dah..
Orang A: I dah lahh...
Orang B: U dah apa..u xpernah dah..kalau u dah, u xlayan dia..

and this scene will be repeated countless of times throughout the relationship due to because of the "guy"...we always fight about jealousy..weird huh?..bcoz of his "life", supposedly me, that will be the jealous type..but in fact he is the one that controls me more than i actually does to him..

So back to karma, i do believe what you give, you will get back tenfold..so means if you do evil once, then somebody else will do evil back to you tenfold and so on with goodness..
.
Back then when the guy do back things to me, i choose him to replace the guy.. i choose a Sun to replace my night..but in the end the Sun doesnt choose me back..I did regret the decision of coz, sometimes..

Never the decision to love a person but the decision of why we cant be friends now..
coz relationship complicates thing, as you can never go back to being friends. And he was my bestest friend ever (for a guy back then)..he was the answer to all my question about my life back then..so when i choose love over friendship, we cant go back to just being friends..but in truth, i dont know how anymore..but the matter of fact is,i never did try to contact him again..its been like 4?5? months i guess since i last saw anything about him and this includes facebook.

coz for me, when he made the decision of not choosing me, that means he wants out,he doesnt need me anymore. so of coz a girl like me, thinks " Okay, fine...i can do this..i can be strong like you too.." I just throw away all the details, all the stuff and never did look back..breaking up is not easy..hell, i still feel bitter about him ..i still feel like "Eff you man, seriously Eff you..".."i have this gut to leave everything behind but why cant you just choose me!..why cant you just be like me and pick up the pieces together with me??.." ...but he did choose the other choice..im still bitter sometimes but it had to be done..

so the karma in my life is that, i had been a cheater, cheated and a cheat. does not include me only. sometimes with a guy doing it to me.or the guy in my relationship doing it with other people. so conclusion is be good. be strong. be truthful. coz think with your age not your shoe size.

Later~

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up (Official Lyric Video)

Wow...Hundreds of meaning in this song...~

I wont Give Up..I'm Still Looking UP...

I told you so and my mistake..

"I told you so"....

I hated that word..i remember falling in love and people saying "Jangan, dont do this mistake"..but me being stubborn," Its ok, my mistake so i want to learn"..But hell, i already give this fucking loser countless and countless of opportunity..Its been ages and finally all the things that keep me coming back to him is finish..FINALLY!, no more calling up and asking for the "thing"..So, right now its just about me and him..but you never learn huh?..dont tell me my perangai is sucks when your perangai is like an effing child..i choose to lose you ages ago, i can do it again lah LOSER!!...

I always mengharap..my mistake huh?...haishhh...harap people call me and say that they miss me just as much i miss them, harap people change and be more like a person than a child..harap that you love me more and choose me than anybody else..but its just that "harap", its not reality...maybe i can love them always and forever but i gonna stop this thing of "mengharap"..coz in reality of life is that, "when people said goodbye it means that, "Bye".."...
I always always gonna love him, the OTHER him, not the loser him, the "sun" him....i already started to forget his voice and laugh and it makes me wanna cry so hard but its for the best i think..and its just time to move on cos i ve got big plan for 2012 and maybe its better to be alone than to handle all this feelings..

Dont cry when the sun is gone, because the tears wont let you see the stars ~ Violet Parra



Later...

My one and only

You've been on my mind, I grow fonder every day
Lose myself in time just thinking of your face
God only knows why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all
You'll never know if you never try
To forget your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts

If I've been on your mind, you hang on every word I say
Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all
You'll never know if you never try
To forget your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts

I know it ain't easy giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart

Nobody's perfect
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart)
Trust me, I've learned it
Nobody's perfect
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart)
Trust me, I've learned it

Nobody's perfect
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart)
Trust me, I've learned it
Nobody's perfect
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart)
Trust me I've learned it

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts

Come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts

P/s: The words of Adele " This song is about me loving him then but right now i just dont love him anymore"..

Weird, emo and psycho..

I miss you, sun..

Later..

2012..

2012..Happy New Year?...pfffttt....

MC, wisdom tooth and pain..

Ive got a medical leave today..wow..the first for this year?..i cant remember the last time ive got a MC..usually i get sick but normally i just pull my AL and just put it on MC, coz in J company when you get a MC in your attendance you dont get a bonus or salary raise..*thats one of the reason i quit..;)*..sooooo, my wisdom teeth are finally growing and let me tell you, whatever things that Jasmine said about the pain..ITS DAMN TRUE!!..coz it hurts like hell!!..good luck this week we dont have any tenders or any potential tenders coming in..because on of the reason i dislike MC coz i am YES a WORKHOLIC..i like holidays and such but i hate when i have to spend it at home thus the terms WORKHOLIC..cos i like to be in the office more than home?..nahhh, cos in the office now, ive got to talk and bitch about people and we got unifi ok..so yes, i prefer places where my internet is effing fast and there is people for me to talk to.
not to say i dont like my home, i love it..but when i work, i dont think about how sucky my past relationships and how i hate missing him..so work is my escape from my memories..it is sad when you think about it, but its my mechanism to survive until i can truly say " I am over with him "..hurmmmm...depressing mode tiba2..shit..

BUT whatever is, i have a day off today so lets make it worthwhile..i.e: continue reading my comics and novel online(check), playing with little archie(check), watching movies(check), eat your medicine before writing this post(opppsss, i forgot)...

So later...~~~...

P/s: just saw MI4(Ghost Protocol) and it was AMAZING...!!!!Tom Cruise is the best!..and Jeremy Renner?..*swoon*...

Friendship, Starbucks and Pelita...

Its a weird thing about friendship..
As you know, true friend/s will just accept you no matter what you do and what you are right?..
I have many experience of this so called thing "FRIENDSHIP"..but the one that i hope and i pray to god that will never go away is them...
Because in a way every person has their own personality that they bring in a friendship..Dont get me wrong, i always and will always call Mulan a bitch everytime she do the eye roll thingy..I will always be annoyed and irritate with Ariel on her attitude of not picking up the phone when i need her the most..Of wanting to smack Jasmine head when shes being insecure..but hell, im a bitch most of the time too..im an annoying person mostly ALL the time and i am very judgmental when i want to be that person. But we click...we click in sense of everybody need to branch out and have their own circle of friends but basically coming back together and be our true selves.

Yesterday we have our little gathering in Pelita, but before that me and Mulan have our usual caffeine fix at starbucks (bcoz hell!..im already addicted with the taste!..and shit it costs me RM17.50 everytime i drink it, but its my indulgence once a week so sue me for backing up a jewish company or whatsoever!..)
Btw, Mulan drink are shit and taste like grass or Jasmine said " Rasa macam ko minum daun", and yes it taste like "daun"..the drink?..Its called Green Tea Cream Blended..and mine its called Mocha something with cranberry sauce on top..*its a christmas drink promo and i LOVE IT!!..*

Here is some pictures just for the sake of my entertainment..:)



Mine..



Mulan's....


SO btw about friendship, we have our ups and downs as a group, we sometimes bitch about each other, hate each other but in the end truly-truly i do love this girls..I even haves exes that hate them, because i talk to them about everything includes my love life and what im doing now with my boyfriend, my argument with my boyfriend ..But basically that i do love them so much, and sometimes we do get on each other nerves and hated each other at one point, but like Mulan said to me yesterday * i paraphrase her words, of course.."Maybe we just need to delete any hateness and grudges coz value of friendship is much higher than our own egos.."..

So later..;)..♥...

Its all about MONEY!

Its all about money in life..there is never in one person life money its not a subject..Like one statement in Jerry Maguire " SHOW ME THE MONEY!"...

i have countless of person telling me money is like the thing that keep the world go round..and actually yes i agree with them..know why?..coz i can be the breadwinner in a relationship or in a marriage but nak xnak ah kan, guys have to step up and earn my respect by providing for me lahh..come on ahh...damnnn that is one messed up relationship, when a woman/girl pleases a guy by buying his affection?..
it should be the other way round ok!..i live in a house where my father buys stuff for my mother not my mother buy gifts for him!..and that is what i will always keep in mind..coz in the end, no matter how much money you earn in a living, the guy have to pay the bills for the house..hell!..

Money is a sensitive subject. Thats why i never borrow money except my mom..why?..
in the end, when my mom talk or yell about money to me, i accept it wholeheartedly. but for others to do it for me?..come on!...i hate it!

btw, i had made stupid and wrong decisions of lending people money along my days when i was in love and being stupid. to tell the truth, it is still my worst effing mistakes ever!!!..so lesson learned!..until now, i had money pending on loan from that person..and they had the guts to tell me "so macam nie perangai u sebenarnya, pasal duit u treat i mcm nie?.."..mcm apa ???..mcm binatang kerr???..coz the last time, u said that u will paid me back within 2 months and its been like a year asshole!..who is the animal now?..you or me?...dont treat me like a stupid person coz sorry to say i was stupid once but never again!...

So whatever dude, its already over before it begins..dont start a relationship with so many excess baggage from the past coz it will (and trust me on this) haunt you back!..i love being single than to handle all this emotional crap about money, messaging, calling, hanging out and family..

So Later~...

Eff up and starbucks..

Its eff up when sometimes you think you want somethings or someone but in the end you know the time is not right for you to be in a something or someone with somebody..

Mess up aite?..

So whatever, stop being a douche person Aurora and be a woman~!..ok rite now, stop talking about relationship and more about starbucks..

Sooooo...basically when im single, i have a lot of time and money to spend..hehe..coz, when im in a relationship i tend to save up money to go on dates and buy unnecessary stuff..yah, i know why ME? have to save up and not them?..frankly speaking, i was a stupid naive in love person and they are sometimes douchebag bf..and i am usually an independent person around guys so, yes!..like my "kakak" said " apsal ko bodoh sgt nie!!"..but to my defense, "she" is also like that when she was married the first time!..so we learn from our lessons ok!!..hehe..btw, sayang my kakak and my budak kecik..:)
*no offense to my exes, but sometimes i must think YOU are ALL douchebag ok!..u all broke my heart..what more nice thing that i can said about you guys??..*

soooooo, back to starbucks story..nowadays i have this routine with Mulan to go drink at our nearest starbucks shop,so basically i am addicted to starbucks and the guy behind the counter just add bonus to it..hehe.. i like their toffee nut frappucino blended so much that i must drink it before christmas ends..bcoz its only during promo..so basically what i want to say is, no bf = a lot of money..hahahahha..
so next time i will write more what i buy with the money i save and maybe i can be happy knowing i had made a right decision to just eff up from his life and make sure he is happy with his current "domestic" life..coz in the end, letting go is a must to make sure you are happy in the future..so pray i will meet my "domestic" life soon..:)..

Later~...

Relationship part 1

I think i learn the most out of relationship when i was with him..Until now, i can still remember his words when he talk to me about guys and their wickedness..on how i said " i rindu u lahh.." and he will reply, " jgn kata i xrindu u, sbb i rindu u sgt"..effing rite?..hahaha...and its funny because in the end, he will become my ex and not my 'jodoh'..

Its a funny thing about 'jodoh'...because we all knew about "If its god will, it will happen sooner or later.."..but can i said that " i want it now!..i dont want to wait until im older and he is old to become one.."..how ungrateful do i sound huh?..yes, thats me back in time when i was so "IN LOVE"...i will never regret whoever that i choose to be in love and have a relationship with, but he always going to be my standard point you know?..he is different from "A" becoz he is more mature and if people know who am i talking about, "HE" is a taboo person.. the taboo one that i learn a lot from and will always learn again and again..i still think about him, alot..my "kakak" said its because its normal to think about that person eventhough it hurts to think about them..seems inlogical right?..but,hell..she has the more grueling experience than me..so i choose to listen on her about that sort of thing..

so basically,whether they are thinking about you when you are not together anymore..hurm..i wish he thinks about me, the good time, the bad time and the love time..but hell, if he wish to undo our time, that is the most heartbreaking thing that he can do towards me now..but its his own life..so whatever floats his boat..coz, for me, lesson learn from having a relationship with him is that:

1) I become more mature, in a way..
2) Dont trust people that easily..
3) Saying NO is important when handling with stupid asshole future guys/bf
4) Take care of yourself in every situation, regardless of gender and status of the other people in the room.
5) I am weird and very very picky and effing irritating but never did realize it until when i notice he has "THAT" attitude with me..
6) The list go on..

But the first thing that i learn from him is that, it will always going to be Needles and Pins towards life..*tears*...

Later...~